Promise to Try
by evitascarlett
Summary: As Kitty once again sits by the bedside of a wounded Matt Dillon and wills him to fight for his life, she realizes that he didn't spare her any pain by not marrying her...because it doesn't matter if she has his name or wears his ring. She'll still feel like a widow if he dies.
1. Chapter 1

_Disclaimer: I own nothing._

Promise to Try

Chapter One

Matt Dillon was dying…or at least he was giving every indication that he was trying to as he laid in the back room of Doc's office.

"Doc?" Kitty questioned as she watched the old man pull off his glasses and tuck them away.

He gave a shake of his head, a finger swiping across his mustache as he met her gaze. "I don't know, Kitty. I just don't know."

The lump in her throat grew; her heart feeling like it was being squeezed right out of her chest. They'd been down this road so many times before; the question and answer seemingly always the same, but this time it felt different. This time she couldn't seem to find any spark of hope in Doc's eyes…this time felt like it could become the time she had always dreaded. This could be the time she lost him.

She swallowed hard; her blue eyes filling rapidly but she held the tears at bay. "Are you saying there isn't anything you can do for him?"

Doc shook his head; "I'm doing everything I can, Kitty…but he's in pretty bad shape. He had already lost a lot of blood by the time Festus found him out on the prairie and the infection was already setting in. I'd feel better if we could get that fever to break."

She'd feel better too, she thought as she took a breath and tried to steel herself. "What are his chances, Doc?"

His gaze shifted towards the open door of the back room and then back to the redhead he loved as a daughter. How could he tell her that he didn't think the chances were good at all; that a man could only take so much abuse over the years before his body surrendered. How could he tell her that she might have to say goodbye to the man she loved?

"Doc, answer me," she demanded; her tone firm but betraying the slightest quiver of emotion.

"I don't know, Kitty."

Kitty closed her eyes; her hand curling into a fist at her side. How she hated the words '_I don't know, Kitty_.' She hated them as much as she hated the words, "_It's my job, Kitty_' and '_I'm sorry, Kitty_.'

"I'm doing everything I can," he stated once again. "I'm not giving up on him yet and neither should you."

"I had no intention of giving up on him," she replied.

Doc was silent for a moment, the ticking of the clock filling the office. "It's not entirely up to me, you know," he gently reminded her. "It's up to him to fight it…and if anyone can give him a reason to fight; it's you, Kitty."

She gave a small nod; the gentle rustle of her skirts the only sound passing between them as she made her way back to Matt's bedside. She paused in the doorway; he looked so broken and weak…he looked so far from the man she knew he was and it tore her heart to pieces. He had added two bullet shaped scars to the collection that marred his body…a collection that seemed to grow each year. The memory of the night before ran through her mind; the shrillness of Festus's voice as he rode into town yelling for Doc; the feel of her heart plummeting as she pushed through the crowd outside…the bead of sweat that had trickled down Doc's temple as he probed for the bullets…the smell of blood and infection wrinkling her nose as she stood by and waited, as always.

Kitty breathed deeply and exhaled slowly, calming her heart and shaking off the memory as she moved into the room. She picked up a cloth and dipped it into the basin of water and sponged off Matt's sweat dampened skin before trailing her fingertips along his jaw.

"Hey, Cowboy," she said quietly; "This isn't the homecoming we had planned for you. What's the big idea?"

Her comment was met by silence as she knew it would be and she sighed as she took his hand. "Don't leave me, Matt," she pleaded quietly. "I know you always tried to prepare me for the day when you'd have to…but it's not time yet…I'm not ready to let you go; and I know, you're thinking that I'll never be ready, and that's true…but I've always figured that I'll know when the time is right and when I'll have to do it…and it's just not today, Matt Dillon."

"You promised me; do you remember? You always told me that you couldn't promise that the job wouldn't kill you one day, but you could promise to always try to make it home to me…you promised to try to always come back to me; and I'm holding you to that, Cowboy. You have to fight this, do you hear me? Don't you dare leave me now," she told him; her voice choked with tears as she squeezed his hand.

"You promised to try," she told him; reaching for the damp cloth to sponge his skin once more. "And you know how I feel about broken promises…so you just better try as hard as you can, because I'm not sure I could forgive you for leaving me when I'm far from finished with you."

A rebellious tear broke free and rolled down her cheek as she kept her hand curled around his. He didn't make a sound; didn't give any indication at all that he could hear her or feel her next to him. His breath was raspy, his face an eerie pale that slightly unnerved her. Her grip tightened around his hand. Her eyes strayed towards the bandages that covered his wounds; his collections of scars entering her mind once more. She had counted them once, years before, and with each one that he acquired, she had wondered if it would be the last; the one that would finish the collection and take him away from her. How would she go on with out him? She wasn't sure she'd know how.

"Don't leave me, Matt," she whispered once again. "Please don't leave me."


	2. Chapter 2

_Authors Note: Thank you for your reviews!_

Chapter Two

Minutes faded into hours, and hours faded into a new day. A new day of waiting, Kitty thought to herself as Doc examined Matt. It seemed as though she was always waiting; waiting for him to come home, waiting for him to wake up, waiting for him to recover. After all these years, she should be used to it…but when it came to waiting for the answer to his fate, the wait never got any easier.

"Any change, Doc?" she asked; hoping that maybe he saw something that she didn't.

He shook his head; "No; I'm afraid not."

She rubbed the back of her neck, feeling the stiffness of spending the night in a chair. The answer didn't come as a surprise; she could see for herself that Matt hadn't improved at all. His skin was still sickly pale and beaded with sweat. She suppressed a sigh as she picked up the pitcher and poured fresh water in the basin. She dipped a clean cloth into the water and set about sponging off his skin once more; willing him to fight harder as she felt Doc's gaze upon her back.

"Kitty, why don't you go get some sleep? I'll be here with him."

She shook her head; "I'm fine," she answered; and before he could argue the point with her, she changed the subject. "Have Newly and Festus come back yet?"

"Not yet," he replied. "I don't know what they think they're going to find; Matt wasn't able to tell them anything and we're not even sure how long he was laying out there."

"Long enough," Kitty murmured as she dragged the cloth across his chest. "I guess Newly and Festus just have to feel like they're doing something, Doc."

Doc scrubbed a finger against his mustache, "Yes, I suppose you're right. They need to know that they tried to find the man responsible."

"They know Matt would do the same for them," she stated; dropping the cloth back into the basin to soak again before she rung it out and used it to wipe the sheen perspiration from Matt's face.

Doc was quiet for a moment as he watched her work and then he spoke again. "Kitty…"

"I'm fine," she interrupted; her blue eyes locking upon him, knowing exactly what he was going to say.

"You're not going to do him any good if you don't take care of yourself," he argued.

"I'm not leaving."

He shook his head; "You're just as stubborn as he is."

"Then you know how this is going to end, don't you?" she asked with a smile.

He gave a short nod; "Yes, I guess I do," he answered before turning and leaving the room.

Kitty laid aside the cloth and allowed her fingertips to caress Matt's face as she smiled down at him. "How do you like that, Cowboy? Doc thought he could get me out of here; we both know that isn't happening, don't we?"

Her words were met with silence, as they had been all night and she exhaled a worried sigh. "I know you're a man of few words, Matt; but I sure do wish you would open your eyes and say something…even if it was just to tell me to be quiet so you can get some sleep."

It felt silly to keep talking to him when he couldn't answer her, and she wasn't even sure if he could hear her, but she couldn't stand the silence. Silence gave her too much time to think about things that she didn't want to think about…like that dull ache that was taking root in her heart and growing with each hour that passed without any improvement in his condition. Lack of improvement could lead to decline; and decline could lead to…no; she thought with a shake of her head, she wouldn't think about that.

"It looks like the weather has finally cleared up," Kitty stated; casting a glance towards the window where sunlight filtered through the curtains. "It looks like it's a real nice day outside…probably nice enough for fishing," she told him as she covered his hand with her own.

"Do you remember the first time you took me fishing, Matt?" she asked as the memory came to mind. "We had such a nice time together…just the two of us. That was the first time you kissed me…and you better remember that," she said with a soft laugh.

"I don't know who was more surprised; you or me. Not that I didn't want it; because I did," Kitty admitted. "I wanted it so badly...I wanted you," she said quietly. "You had already stolen my heart, Cowboy. After the life I had been living up to that point, I didn't think it was possible for anyone to steal my heart. I wasn't even sure it knew what love was anymore…or even if I wanted anything to do with it, knowing it could lead to nothing but pain in the end; but then the stage made a stop in Dodge and I saw you…and I just had to stay; and before I knew it, you had my heart."

Tears glimmered in her eyes, and she swallowed hard. "It seems like a lifetime ago, doesn't it?" she asked. "We were so young then…but it was like we were supposed to find each other. There we were; two people who didn't really have anybody…but suddenly we had each other. I know, we had Doc and Chester; and now Festus and Newly and Sam, and a lot of other people we call our friends…but you and me…well; it's like we built this family together; and I can't imagine me without you…I can't imagine anything without you."

She lowered her head for a moment; forcing herself to push away those thoughts and regain her composure. "We won't think about that," she told him. "It doesn't matter anyway because you're going be okay. You just have to fight a little harder, that's all. I know you can do it…you can do it for me, can't you, Matt?"

Kitty squeezed his hand; wishing that press of her hand against his would transfer some of her strength to him. "Before you left, you promised to take me to dinner when you got back. I hope you don't think you're getting out of it, because you're not," she told him. "As soon as you're well enough, you're keeping your promise, Cowboy. I have a new dress…of course maybe that's the problem. Every time I buy a new dress, something gets in the way of our plans."

She stared at him long and hard, imagining that if he opened his eyes just then, he'd give her a grin and tell her that maybe she should stop buying new dresses…and she would, if it meant he would live.

"Oh, Matt," she breathed; feeling that ache in her heart get a little sharper.


	3. Chapter 3

_Authors Note: Thank you so much for your reviews and support of this story!_

Chapter Three

The next night, Kitty walked the somewhat empty street as she made her way back to Doc's office. Festus and Newly had come back that afternoon; finding nothing as Doc had assumed; but together, he and Festus somehow talked her into leaving for awhile to get some rest. She picked at the meal Newly had brought her from Delmonico's and then took a long bath before slipping between the covers of her empty bed. She must've been more tired than she thought as she slept far longer than she had meant to. That thought panicked her when she first awoke and she had to remind herself that if something had changed, Doc would've sent Festus to get her.

She paused in her steps for a moment; changing course at the spur of the moment and heading for the stable. She was quiet as she walked towards the stall that housed Buck and she smiled as he nickered softly at her approach. "How are you doing, boy?" she asked him; reaching out and petting his soft muzzle. "I should've brought you a treat," she said as the horse nuzzled her. "I will next time."

Kitty looked him over as she continued to pet him; making sure that all seemed well. "You miss him, don't you?" she asked Buck as she looked at his eyes. "I do too."

Matt had been gone for a month before he finally sent word to her that he was heading home; that he should be there by the end of the week. She didn't worry at first when he was a day late, or even two; figuring that he got delayed somewhere on the trail, helping someone, or capturing someone. She even considered the possibility that his horse might've gotten hurt and needed rest for a day or two before he continued on, but then three days passed and then four, and before she knew it, he was a week overdue and her stomach was in knots. She just had a feeling that something had happened to him; a feeling she just couldn't shake as she stood outside the Long Branch that day and stared off in the distance, wishing she'd see him riding into town. Festus shared her worry and he and Newly had set off in search of him.

Kitty sighed as she laid her head against Buck's muzzle for a moment. "He'll be okay," she whispered to the horse. "He'll be riding to Hays or Garden City before you know it; don't you worry."

"Miss Kitty," Hank said; startling her as she raised her head.

"Hank," she said; allowing a small smile to touch her lips.

"Everything alright?" he asked.

She nodded; "I was just checking on Buck…how's he doing?"

"He's doing just fine, Miss Kitty; I'm taking real good care of him for the Marshall."

"I'm sure you are," she replied; giving the horse one last pat as she stepped away.

"How is the Marshall?" Hank asked.

Kitty met his eye; "Still the same."

The old man gave a nod; seemingly unsure of what to say to her. She game him another smile and told him goodnight and then continued on her way.

Doc was asleep as she entered his office and she moved quietly towards the room Matt was in, taking care not to disturb their friend. Festus was dozing in the chair next to the bed and she laid a hand on his shoulder, giving him a small shake and softly spoke his name.

"Miss Kitty," he said as he opened his eyes; "You back already?"

"I've been gone long enough," she replied; "How is he?"

"The same as he was when you left, Miss Kitty," her friend replied. "Doc gave him some medicine and looked him over…"

Kitty squeezed his shoulder in understanding as she glanced towards Matt; seeing the sheen of sweat that continued to coat his skin. "Don't you worry none," Festus told her; "Ole Matthew, he'll be just fine, I can guarantee that. He's just taking a little rest."

She smiled; she wished that was true and she wondered if he was trying to convince her or himself. "Festus, why don't you go over to the Long Branch and tell Sam that I said to give you a beer on the house, and then go get some rest."

"I ain't tired," he replied.

"Go on," she told him; "I'll send for you if something changes."

"Are you sure you don't need me to stay longer?" Festus asked; "Because I will if you need to get some more shut eye or take care of things."

"I'm fine, Festus; thank you. You can sit him with for a little while tomorrow afternoon while I take care of some things at the saloon," Kitty replied.

He gave her a nod; "Sure thing, Miss Kitty; if you need me, you just send someone to get me."

"I will," she promised. "Doc's asleep out there, so try to be quiet."

"I aint gonna wake that ornery ole scutter," Festus stated.

Kitty gave a quiet laugh as she stood in the doorway and watched Festus move as quietly as he could through the office, shutting the door behind him as he went. She then turned and walked back into the room, crossing to the window instead of returning to Matt's beside.

"The town's quiet tonight," she stated as she stood by the window and took in the view of the street. It was true, Dodge was unusually still and quiet, as if for once the town was being respectful of the Marshall's need for rest and recovery. Or perhaps it was waiting to know his fate as well, she mused as she allowed the curtain to fall back into place before crossing the room. She perched on the edge of the bed; taking up the routine of mopping his brow and swiping the cool cloth against his arms and chest. When she was finished, she dropped the cloth back into the basin; lowering her head for a minute as she did so.

How long could he go on like this? Kitty wondered as she stared at the dim flame of the lamp. She supposed that the words 'no change' were better than hearing the words that would tell her he was getting worse…or that he was slipping away from her grasp. She reached for his large hand and curled her slender fingers around it as she tried to push away her greatest fear.

"I'm sorry I was gone so long. I slept a little longer than I meant to…especially when you're doing enough sleeping for both of us. I stopped to check on Buck for you; he's doing okay, but I can tell he misses you. I told him I'd bring him a treat tomorrow…if you don't get better soon, I'll probably have him fattened up and spoiled."

He didn't move, and there was still no indication that he could hear her, but she continued on, finding some comfort in talking to him despite those things.

"Did Festus talk your ear off?" Kitty asked; her tone carrying a note of forced lightness. "I imagine he probably told you some story about one of those relatives of his who've been in a similar situation as yours and was healed with a chicken liver and a piece of leather or something like that," she chuckled softly. "And I'll tell you, Matt; if you don't wake up soon, I may be tempted to try some of the Haggen family remedies, so you just think about that."

"Sometimes I wonder if you really think that I don't know that you ask Festus to look after me when you're away," she stated after a moment; "But I do know…I've always known. When you're away, he always jiggles the doorknobs of the Long Branch twice, instead of just once. He stops in more than usual; and I know what you're thinking; how's that possible? Well let me tell you, Cowboy; it's possible," she chuckled. "He's there when I open, he's there when I'm closing and he's checking in all day long…his loyalty to you brings him to my door as many times as possible. I know; he has loyalty to me too; but you put your trust in him every time you ask him to look out for me, and he takes that job very seriously."

She paused for a moment; aching with the need to hear his voice and to see those blue eyes she loved so much. "Do you remember the first time Festus had to knock on my door in the middle of the night to find you?" she asked with a soft laugh. "I think that might've been the only time I've ever seen him blush…and your face was a nice shade of red as well, Cowboy. I guess we're just lucky that he didn't knock at a more inopportune moment…like fifteen minutes earlier."

Kitty smiled sadly as she looked at his still features and then she moved her hand to lay against his chest; being mindful of his bandages. She closed her eyes, feeling the rise and fall of his chest against her palm. The motion wasn't as strong as it usually was; but it was there and she tried to let that thought soothe her. She sat in quiet solitude with the man she loved, gently caressing his broad chest; remembering all the times she had laid her head there, listing to the sound of his heartbeat beneath her ear or dragged her lips across his heated skin in moments of passion. She remembered how good it was to feel that solid expanse pressed against her own body, the sense of security that always came in the form of his embrace.

"Do you remember the first night we spent together?" she asked him; her voice whiskey soft and mindful of the fact that Doc was sleeping in the other room. "That was another one of those surprises…I don't think you ever have told me why you came to me that night, Matt; but I guess all that matters is the fact that you did…and the fact that you stayed once it was over. I didn't really expect you to spend the whole night with me…but I was so glad you did, and so afraid that you might regret it come morning. Everything was different when it came to you…much more important and meaningful."

Kitty returned her hand to its original place atop his; that small, sad smile clinging stubbornly to her lips. "No one ever treated me the way you did, Matt…the way you still do. You made me feel special…and loved; not like I was just some saloon girl that you needed for a few minutes. I guess what I'm trying to say is that you made me feel like a lady…like I was just as good as those women who turned up their noses when they saw me on the street. You never judged me for what I did. You never looked at me like I was worth less than those 'respectable' citizens of this town."

She paused for a moment; taking a breath as old wounds pained her for a moment and then pushed them back into the recesses of her soul. "You don't know how much that meant to me," she told him; "And knowing that you saw me that way, made me want to be something better; for myself and for you. You're part of the reason why I am who I am today, Matt. You'll probably think it sounds silly, but you saved me…and maybe I didn't even realize that I need saving, but it happened. I stayed in Dodge and you saved me…you gave me what I had been missing."

Tears stung her eyes and she allowed one to break free and roll down her cheek. "I love you, Matt…and I know that you love me too even if you don't say it as much as I'd like; but I always feel it and see it…even when I'm angry with you."

It had been far too long since she had tasted his kiss and had the comfort of his arms. It had been too long since she heard his voice whisper to her in the dark…too long since she felt his hands upon her, knowing where to touch and how…too long…just too long…and probably still a long time to wait.

Slowly, she lowered her face to his, brushing her lips against his once and then twice; her fingertips feather light as she traced the line of his jaw; keeping her face close to his. "I sure do miss, Cowboy," she whispered. "Come back to me."


	4. Chapter 4

_Authors Note: Thanks for your reviews! Sorry for the delay; I'm also currently writing another story in a different fandom. Now I just want to say that I have no medical expertise, but a treatment that's used in this chapter, is one that I remember being told was used in the 19__th__ century to treat fevers (and I looked it up to be sure I hadn't imagined it lol); with that said, I can't recall if the show ever mentioned Dodge having an ice supply; if there wasn't one, chalk it up to me taking a little creative licensing ;) I hope you'll all enjoy this chapter!_

Chapter Four

The longer Matt lingered in his perilous state; the more people watched her, Kitty thought to herself as she stood in the solitude of the stable, offering an apple to Buck as his promised treat. Some of the townspeople were polite enough to watch her subtly as she went through the motions of taking care of her business and holding vigil at the Marshall's bedside. They were looking for signs that things were deteriorating…some of them were looking at her with pity; as if she was somewhat delusional to keep believing, or purporting to believe that he would make it when it so clearly seemed like he wouldn't.

Other's watched her openly and with sympathy… like they already had Matt's grave dug and took into account the grief that the Marshall's woman would feel for him. Like they could possibly imagine, she thought to herself. No one would be able to begin to even fathom the depths of grief she'd feel if Matt were to die. She had gotten a taste of that grief once, long ago, when Mace Gore and his gang came into town and shot him multiple times; leading Doc to hide him away while telling everyone that he was dead. Kitty well remembered that dark abyss that had came with the thought that Matt was gone. She feared that darkness…feared it and wanted to rail against it…if only Matt would cooperate. There was a small part of her that was growing angry with him. She tried to ignore it…and yet it was there, simmering just beneath the surface; making her want to shake him or hit his chest with her fists; anything to make his eyes open, to make him fight harder…to make him live.

Kitty shook her head; trying to dislodge those thoughts; feeling mildly ashamed for having them in the first place; and yet somewhere in her mind she could hear his voice; tinged with amusement as he said _"You have quite a temper, Kitty." _She gave Buck's nose one last pat and smiled softly at him, and then turned away, ready to make her way back up to Doc's office. Festus and Newly were hurrying away from the office as she made her approach and her heart dropped. She increased her pace and ran up the steps, bursting into the office and calling for Doc.

When he appeared in the doorway of Matt's room, she saw the graveness in his eyes and it momentarily stole her breath. "Doc?" she questioned.

"His fever's spiked, Kitty," he stated matter of factly. "We need to get it down as quickly as possible."

"What are you going to do?" she asked.

"I sent Newly and Festus to get as much ice as they can get their hands on."

"Ice?"

Doc nodded; "We're going to pack him in ice, Kitty; it's the only way."

She looked skeptical at the idea; "Will it work, Doc?"

"I hope so," he answered; "If it doesn't…"

Her throat tightened; a painful vice squeezed her heart. Doc's unspoken words filled the air between them. It had to work…it just had to. She wasn't ready to let him go.

* * *

Later on, Kitty was pacing the floor in agitation as she waited for some sign that Matt was improving. They had added more ice, and Newly and Festus were waiting outside in case they were needed for another errand.

"Anything?" she asked; desperation coloring her voice as she watched Doc look him over for what seemed like the hundredth time.

"His temperature is down some; but not enough."

"Doc, is he…"

"I don't know, Kitty," he replied quietly. "We might just have to give it a little more time; and like I said before; it's not only up to me. It's also up to Matt."

She nodded and returned to the chair next to his bed. "So what are you going to do, Matt? Just give up?" she asked; her voice carrying an edge even as emotion choked it.

"Kitty," Doc began to say.

"No, Doc," she interrupted. "I'm not going to let him go without a fight."

He fell silent, knowing it would be useless to argue with her. If she had something to say about the matter than she was going to say it, regardless of if the man she was addressing could hear her or not.

"Why aren't you fighting this? Why?" Kitty demanded to know. "You promised me you'd always try…and when I was the one laying out there on that table; I fought for you, Matt. You told me you needed me and I fought for you. I lived because you needed me to. So why aren't you fighting for me?"

She felt her throat tighten with the tears she was desperate to shed, but there was also that feeling of anger still simmering in her veins, and maybe it was irrational to be angry with him for something he had no control over, but the sentiment was there all the same. He was slipping away, she didn't want him to go…and an anger filled grief washed over her at the thought of losing him.

"We've had our share of fights, Matt…times when you've infuriated me over one thing or another. I can admit that sometimes my reasons for being angry weren't always good…sometimes they were childish; and other times…well other times I had every right to be mad at you…and if you don't fight this; I'm going to every right to be mad at you. Is that what you want?"

She took a breath; trying to calm the nerves that kicked beneath her skin as Doc checked Matt's pulse once again. "One of those things we've fought over more then once was marriage," she stated; as she sank back into the habit of strolling down memory lane with him. "I know, you have your reasons for not wanting to get married…you've told me often enough."

Doc quietly backed away from the bed; moving to the other side of the room in an attempt to give her a small amount of privacy as she carried on her conversation with his patient.

"You always said it wasn't right for a lawman to have a family. That a wife and child would be in constant danger…but danger's found it's way to our doorstep more times than we can count," Kitty remarked. "We both have the scars to prove it…and I know; every scar I carry that was inflicted in an attempt to get to you, is a scar you carry inside…guilt that I've never been able to ease for you. I've never blamed you, Matt; not for anything that's happened and not for the way you feel…but sometimes it still makes me angry."

Kitty paused as she looked at him; her hand wrapped around his tightly as if she could keep him from dying if she just held on to him tight enough. "Sometimes I feel like we've missed out on some things," she whispered. "Like children…I always wanted to give you a baby, Matt; but I knew how you felt and I respected your wishes…but I would've liked to have one. I know; there were times when you've told me to move on and find someone to give me those things but…I couldn't. I didn't want them if they weren't with you, Matt."

Her voice trembled; a tear spilling down her cheek. "It's not that I minded all that much; I didn't…but it's times like these when I wish that I had your child…a piece of you that I could hold on to…just in case; so I won't be alone. You see, it doesn't matter if I'm your wife or not; you'll still be leaving me behind. Not having your name doesn't spare me any pain. It's going to hurt the same. If you..." she trailed off; not wanting to say the words. "If you go, I'm still going to feel like a widow, Matt. We've shared every part of our lives together and in every sense that matters...I've been your wife…at least in my heart…and if you go, it won't matter that I don't wear your ring. I'll still be a widow."

Doc lowered his head as those words drifted to his ears. He had told Matt on more than one occasion that he was a fool not to marry Kitty and settle down…but like the woman in question, he was always given the standard answer of all the reasons why that couldn't happen; and chief among them was the fact that he didn't want to leave her a widow. He swiped a finger across his mustache and subtly shook his head. He had a feeling that Matt had never figured that it wouldn't matter either way…he was ashamed to admit that even he hadn't realized that Kitty would still feel as though she fit that distinction regardless of her lack of marital status.

He felt helpless as he glanced towards his friend, his body covered with ice in attempt to save him. He didn't know what else to do; he had done everything within his power…and it didn't seem like enough; and that was always a hard feeling for him to deal with. Even harder when the life in the balance belonged to someone who meant so much to him. He released a heavy breath, and subtly watched as a tear dripped off of Kitty's cheek. He was letting Matt down; he was letting her down too. Matt's life depended on him to save him…and in some ways; Kitty's life depended on Matt. Sure, she was a strong woman, capable of surviving on her own…but she needed him. They complimented each other; gave each other what no one else could…and he couldn't imagine one without the other.

"Sometimes I think about all the times I tried to walk away," Kitty said quietly; her fingers caressing his hand, bumping against the ice that covered him. "It's just no use," she told him with a sad laugh. "You've been under my skin for too long to be driven out, Cowboy…not that I ever really wanted you to be out from under my skin. I've never been able to let you go…and I can't now either. You can't do this, Matt. You can't give up. You can't leave me here alone."

She swallowed hard as Doc patted her shoulder and then slipped from the room. "I know what you're thinking," she told him. "You're thinking how can I be alone when I'll still have Doc and Festus and Newly and Sam and a hand full of others…but I will be. I love them dearly, Matt; but they aren't you."

"I need you, Matt," she told him; her voice trembling as she took his hand once more. "I need you. Please don't go…please don't leave me."

Kitty closed her eyes; the tears sliding down her cheek unchecked as she felt her heart breaking into a million pieces. She felt a small movement against her fingers and her eyes flew open and looked down at her hand. Matt's hand was still; she must've imagined it, but then she felt it again and she watched as his hand slowly curled around her hers.

"Matt," she whispered; barely daring to hope.

There was the lightest squeeze against her hand and she exhaled a shaky breath. "Doc," she called out.

"Can you hear me, Cowboy?" she asked as Doc hurried into the room and checked Matt's pulse; fearing the worst until he realized that she had gotten a response from him.

There was pressure against her hand once again, a little stronger than before and a faint whisper caressed her ears. "Kitty."

"He can hear me, Doc," she stated as a tearful smile broke across her face. "He can hear me."

"That's a good sign," he remarked; as he checked him over. "Keep talking to him, Kitty; maybe he's starting to come around. His temperature is down a little more."

"That's better," she whispered to him as Doc left them alone once again. "I knew you could do it…you just keep trying, Matt. I'm going to be right here."

The squeeze to her hand was weak, but that coupled with that one soft whisper of her name was enough to reignite that flicker of hope deep down inside of her.


	5. Chapter 5

_Authors Note: Sorry for the delay; real life got in the way of my writing time. Thanks for your reviews._

Chapter Five

Matt's fever finally broke in the early evening, and his breathing seemed less labored than it had been…but his eyes were still closed an no more words had passed through his lips. Kitty sat by his side; her fingers caressing his hand as she watched the hours tick by once again. Doc looked less worried now; that hopeful spark back in his eyes as he periodically examined his patient. She felt relieved; the pain in her chest lessening, but she didn't dare drop her guard completely. She knew all too well that things could change without warning. She didn't want to think about that though; she'd already spent far too much time thinking about painful things. It was time to think more positively, to keep assuring him that things were going to be fine.

Kitty's eyes felt heavy as she glanced at the clock and she looked longingly at the empty side of the bed that Matt was occupying. She was tempted to settle into that space for a few minutes but she refrained; never knowing when someone might walk into the room. She sighed; it was for the best to remain in the chair. If she laid down, she might go to sleep, and if she went to sleep, Matt might open his eyes and she'd miss it…and she had been waiting far too long to miss that moment.

"Sometimes I think you enjoy making me wait for you, Cowboy," she said softly; falling back into her habit of talking to him. "That's alright though; it gives me plenty of time to think up things to do with you…and don't go thinking that all of them are enjoyable. I've thought of a few things over the years that I'm sure you wouldn't like at all."

She smiled as she gazed at his face; she was sure he could imagine what those things had been; after all, he had been on the wrong side of her temper more than once.

"I was thinking that once you're feeling better…and by better, I mean, better enough to spend time with me before resuming your duties; that we could go on a picnic. Maybe make up for those last few we've missed. I'll make us a nice lunch, and we can take a bottle of champagne. Maybe we can even do a little fishing."

Kitty paused; her gaze taking note of the rise and fall of his chest out of habit; wanting to be sure that all was still well. "A buggy ride would be nice too," she told him; "Or we could just go riding together. We haven't done that in awhile either…and Buck's missing you. Of course you still owe me that dinner too. You might have to extend your recovery period to fit all of this in," she said with a soft laugh.

Her laughter faded and her expression turned rueful; "I know; it's all just daydreams, isn't it? Once you're feeling better, you'll be back in your office or riding out again. I'll be lucky if I get you to myself for a whole night before you're off again. I don't really mean it the way it sounds, Matt. I've always known how it was and accepted it…I just can't help it if I find myself missing you so much sometimes…and wishing that things could be a little different."

His hand curled around hers and she shifted to the edge of her seat; watching his face, her breath catching in her throat. "Matt?" she said softly.

He squeezed her hand again; his heavy eyelids struggling to open, but finally they did and he looked up into her worried face.

"Kitty."

She smiled; her fingertips caressing his face; "Welcome back, Cowboy."

His eyes closed and then flicked back open as he tried to force himself to sit up and shake off the cobwebs.

"No you don't,' she said; placing her hands on his shoulders and pushing him back against his pillow. "You just lie still; you're not going anywhere yet. I'll get Doc."

"No," he said; reaching for her hand and grasping it. "How long?"

She understood his abbreviated question but gave him the first answer that came to mind; "Too long."

He managed a weary smile; the medication and the hated feeling of weakness weighing him down; making him struggle to keep his eyes open. "You have a lot of plans in mind for me," he said quietly.

"You heard that?" she asked with a small smile.

He nodded; "I promise, Kitty."

"You promise what?"

"All of it. The picnic, the buggy ride…"

She smiled and nodded; knowing he was trying to make her feel better, and probably feeling bad about making her worry. "Sure, Matt."

She didn't believe him; he couldn't blame her. So many of his promises often turned to dust, he thought as he looked into her eyes. "I mean it; we'll…"

"Shhh," she whispered; brushing back a lock of hair from his forehead. "Let's just worry about getting you better. The rest can wait."

Sleep was pulling at him again but he fought it; he had too many things to think about…too many of Kitty's words to replay in his mind. Her voice had been the only thing keeping him from giving into the blackness that had surrounded him. He had heard every murmured word; every plea…every regret.

"Who did this to you, Matt?" Kitty asked; pulling him from his thoughts.

"I don't know," he answered. "He bushwhacked me. I shot back; I caught him in the arm. I got a look at him but I'd never seen him before; at least not that I know of. He seemed to know me though. He called me by name."

Someone else carrying a grudge; Kitty thought to herself. Either on their own behalf or on the behalf of a friend or relative that Matt had either killed or put in prison.

"I'll have to have Festus bring me the posters and see if I can find him on one."

"Not tonight you won't," she told him. "You need to rest. I'll tell Festus in the morning."

He nodded; squeezing her hand once again. "I'm sorry."

"For what?"

A lot of things, he thought to himself; but he decided to settle on the most current. "For worrying you again."

Kitty smiled; trying to lighten the moment. "I'm used to it. I'm going to let Doc know you're awake."

She might be used to it, but it didn't lessen the effect it had on her any less, he thought to himself; her words playing through his mind again, as he grasped her wrist, keeping her in place. "Kitty?"

"Yes?"

He didn't say the words as often as he should; always telling himself that she knew without being told every day; but suddenly it seemed so very important that she be told; that she knew for sure. "I love you."

Tears stung her eyes; her smile widening before she lowered her face to his and caught his lips in a gentle kiss. "I know, Cowboy. I love you too."


	6. Chapter 6

_Authors Note: I apologize for the delay; real life sucks sometimes. Thanks for your reviews! The poem quoted in this chapter is by Lord Byron._

Chapter Six

Two Days Later

Matt wasn't a man for poetry; he didn't care for all of those flowery words and sentiments but his mother had loved poems and he had clung to a memory of her reciting the first verse of one of her favorites. The words had meant nothing to him; they were nothing more than a way to keep the memory of her voice alive as the years passed and distanced himself from his youth. Then one night he had watched Kitty slip quietly through the swinging doors of the saloon; walking slowly as she breathed in the night air and those words had came back to him; taking on new meaning as he watched her from across the street.

"She walks in beauty, like the night

Of cloudy climes and starry skies;

And all that's best of dark and bright

Meet in aspect in her eyes;

Thus mellowed to that tender light

Which heaven to gaudy day denies…"

Matt had seen both darkness and brightness in her eyes; the brightness was welcome…the darkness was always like a knife slicing through his gut. He studied the woman sitting in the chair at his bedside. Her eyes were closed; sleep softening her features and smoothing away the worry that had been furrowing her brow despite Doc's assurances that he would be fine. She was dressed in one of her finer gowns; which meant she had spent the evening attending to business and had come to him after closing the saloon; probably with the idea of spending a few quiet moments together and perhaps stealing a goodnight kiss.

Damn Doc and his medicines, he thought as he frowned. He hated swallowing that bitter tasting liquid; hated even more that it made him sleep and miss Kitty's arrival. He hated the weakness that still filled his body, and the worry that made her choose to sleep in the chair instead of going home and climbing into her bed. On the other hand; he was glad that she had stayed, as it gave him the chance to observe her without notice. He always liked to watch her sleep. He wasn't quite sure why; perhaps it was the quiet intimacy of the gesture…or maybe it was because gazing at her sleeping face reminded him in the worst of moments that there was still good in the world…that there was still warmth and comfort and beauty; that despite the harshness of his job, he had a place to call home, and that place was with her.

Sometimes, like tonight, he wondered what she was dreaming. Did they lead a different life together in her dreams? One where he was around more often than he sometimes was in reality; one where she didn't have to worry so much? Were her dreams filled with picnics and moonlit buggy rides…did they contain promises that weren't broken within moments of speaking them? Did a gold band shine on her finger…did a blue eyed baby rest on her hip while a red headed little girl clung to her skirts? Matt released a heavy breath; shifting as quietly as possible to keep from disturbing her slumber.

The words he had heard her speak as she begged him to live floated through his mind with alarming frequency and as he pondered them in moments of silence, he couldn't help but wonder if he had been wrong all of these years. Had it been wrong to deny her marriage? He hadn't thought so; and it wasn't as if he wouldn't like to marry her…he just didn't feel like he had any right to with the life he lived. He didn't want to paint a target on her back for being his wife…but then again, their relationship was the worst kept secret in Kansas, despite their attempts at being discreet; and as she had said; trouble had found it's way to their door, more times than he cared to remember. She already had a target on her back just for being his woman. She was already a tool for any depraved mad man to use against him, because everyone knew that if there was one thing in the world he cared about; it was Kitty Russell.

His eyes shifted away from her face and focused on the wall. When he was young, he hadn't wanted the complications of love. Love always led to trouble or pain...or it led to mistakes that could prove costly to a man with a badge. Kitty had intrigued him from the moment he first saw her. He had been attracted and drawn to her the way a moth was drawn to a flame. He had gotten to know her; claimed her among his closest friends…desired her. He had fought it though, Matt recalled; he had fought those urges; knowing somehow that to act upon them would lead him down a path he wasn't sure he wanted to travel. But then one day, sitting on the bank of the creek; her laughter filling the air as the sunlight glinted off of her loose red hair, he had given in and captured those lips of hers in a kiss.

Matt didn't regret it; not for a single moment, nor did he regret the night he had finally grew tired of fighting the desire he felt for her and climbed the stairs to her room. His gaze shifted back to her. How he wished she was lying beside him so he could pull her against him and feel her warmth and softness. He released a measured breath; he shouldn't let his thoughts wander too far down that trail…not tonight anyway. He had explained it all very clearly to her back when they started out. She could have everything but his name…and they had to be careful; because he couldn't jeopardize an innocent child by being its father. She had said that she understood…despite a few arguments to the contrary that sprang up every few years. He couldn't say that she hadn't accepted the life he offered her; she had…with the exception of a few times when she had tried to break away…and he had let her; thinking and knowing that she deserved more…and yet he could never turn his back when she'd return to him; an apology in her eyes and the taste of her kiss.

It wasn't that he didn't want to claim her as his wife…in his heart, he already did. Everyone, Kitty included, thought that he lived for the tin badge pinned to his shirt; but he knew the truth. He lived for the woman sitting in the chair beside his bed. He lived for Kitty. It was Kitty that always made him push his weary horse forward in the dark of night along the trail; the thought of her lamp shining in the window, beckoning him home…the knowledge that she awaited him; her arms eager to enfold him as he settled into her bed; her lips brushing against his brow before seeking out his mouth. There was comfort to be found there with her; her head resting on his chest, her breath dancing across his bare skin; her slender fingers caressing him. There was love. It was her love that made him fight to live as he took each bullet…it was the desperate need to stay with her…to stay with the only person who seemed to know and understand him inside and out. He loved her. He loved her more than he ever thought himself capable of loving anyone.

Sure, there had been other women before her; just as he knew there had been other men before him; but none of them compared to Kitty. None of them gave him what she did. None of them made him question his self imposed rules like Kitty did. Had he been wrong to deny her? Had he been wrong to deny her a child? He was no fool; he knew she longed to be a mother. He saw it on her face every time she held a baby or tended to a small child. He smiled softly; he had a feeling the children in town knew it too; because they all seemed to know that if they stared at a candy stick longingly enough while Miss Kitty was in the store; they'd most likely walk out the door with it…because she always had a penny that she wasn't using.

She'd be a good mother, Matt mused…and maybe she needed to be one. He hadn't thought about how a child might comfort her if and when the time came that he had no choice but to leave her in the most permanent way. Perhaps he had been wrong to deny her those things…maybe he had been wrong to deny himself the pleasures of a family. No man's life was assured in years; as Doc had once told him. A man had to make the most of the time he had in the present. He hadn't wanted to hear that lecture then…and yet maybe it had sank in somehow, waiting for this very moment to slap him in the face. He thought he was protecting her by not giving her his name…maybe he had even thought that he was somehow protecting himself; but instead, maybe he had done more harm than good.

She'd still feel like a widow when he died. Those words wouldn't leave his mind; nor would the thought that if she was going to feel that way anyway; than why was it so wrong to give her a ring? If the pain was going to be the same…if danger found them anyway…then why was it wrong? It wasn't like she was asking or demanding that he give up his badge. She wasn't even asking him to marry her…she had only told him the truth; and maybe she hadn't thought he'd hear her but her words had come through loud and clear. He had given her everything but what she desired most…and while she claimed it didn't matter, somehow it did…and maybe it was time he started rethinking the decisions he had made.


	7. Chapter 7

_Authors Note: As Always I thank you for your reviews._

Chapter Seven

"Doc, are you sure he's alright?" Kitty asked as she studied Matt; her brow furrowed with concern.

"He's doing just fine for a man who goes gallivanting across the prairie and gets himself shot," he answered.

Matt smirked at him; "I did it for you, Doc. I know you've been hard up for business."

"Business is fine; its patients that pay their bills that I'm in need of."

"I always pay you," Matt stated.

"Eventually," Doc replied; an amused gleam in his eye as folded his glasses and tucked them away in his pocket. "But that doesn't mean I want you going out and getting shot, just so I can collect the fee."

"If he needs money that badly, I'll give him a job sweeping up the Long Branch," Kitty remarked.

"Now that's something I'd pay to see."

"Well maybe I'll just take her up on that offer one day," the older man retorted. "I'll just close up my practice and go to work for Kitty. I'll probably live better; and you can just let Festus dig out your bullets."

"He probably couldn't do any worse," Matt teased in response.

Doc turned his gaze towards Kitty, "You see that, he's just fine."

She smiled but Matt could see that worry still lingered in her eyes. "I'm fine, Kitty."

"You've been quiet. Quieter than usual."

"I just have things on my mind."

She expelled a heavy breath, figuring that she knew where his thoughts lie. "Festus and Newly can take care of things while you recover."

"I know," he replied; as Doc gave him a knowing look and then shuffled out of the room.

"But you're anxious to get back out on the trail…looking for the trouble that already found you once," she remarked; her tone slightly accusing even to her own ears. She felt a twinge of regret but she didn't apologize; couldn't even think of it when she was still so raw from the fear and knowledge of how close she had came to losing him this time.

He shook his head; "It's not that, Kitty. Whoever he was, he's long gone by now."

"Then what is it, Matt?"

Her, he thought to himself. A multitude of thoughts all about her…about them…about all the things he had always told himself that he wouldn't think of. Most prominent in his mind was the question "Was it too late?" It wasn't too late for marriage at least, although the thought of it still filled him with a slight sense of trepidation. It was more the question of "Was it too late to start a family?" Had they…or rather, had he, squandered too many of her years in that respect.

"Matt," Kitty said; her hand squeezing his to garner his attention.

"It's nothing, Kitty."

"Seems like something," she replied; her gaze locked upon his and her expression conveying how unconvinced she was.

He gave her a smile and squeezed her hand in return. "It's nothing for you to worry about."

She doubted that. He was keeping something from her and she hated it when he did that. It always seemd to make whatever it was worse when it finally came out. He wouldn't budge though; prior experience had taught her that…but of course, prior experience should've taught him that she'd only drop the subject temporarily.

"I better get back and help Sam with the crowd. You should lay back down and get some rest," Kitty told him as she moved to rise from her place at the edge of the bed.

Matt gently caught her wrist, keeping her in place. "Aren't you forgetting something?"

"What?"

He grinned as he tugged her towards him and captured her lips in a searing kiss. She returned it with equal fervor; feeling the warmth of his hand seep through the satin of her dress, making her long to feel his hands against her skin. She was breathless when he parted from her mouth and moved to her neck. Her fingers slipped into his hair as she bite the inside of her cheek to keep from vocalizing her response to the more brazen caresses and the heated brush of his mouth as it worked it's way back to her lips. She forced herself to pull back; recalling where they were and that they weren't tucked away in the privacy of her rooms.

"We shouldn't get too carried away, Cowboy."

He chuckled quietly; "I'm just trying to prove to you that I'm fine."

"Oh I believe you're fine in this respect," she quipped; allowing her lips to graze his jaw. "But you know Doc is just in the other room. He could walk in…"

"Wouldn't be the first time," he replied.

That was true, Kitty thought with a smile. The first time Doc had caught them had been long ago; back when their relationship had still been new. She remembered that Matt had been out of town for over three weeks, and she had just pulled the pins from her hair when she caught a glimpse from the window of him riding down the street. She had been so hungry to see him and touch him that she couldn't wait a moment longer, and against her better judgment, she grabbed her shawl and quietly slipped out the back of the saloon and hurried to the stable.

She had caught him by surprise; she recalled, and despite his statement that she shouldn't be there, he hadn't wasted any time in scanning the stable to be assured they were alone before sweeping her into his arms for a long awaited kiss. It hadn't taken long for their reunion to heat up; if memory served correctly, and she was pretty sure it did; her arms and legs had been wrapped around him as he pressed her back against the wall…and then there had been footsteps; the sound jerking them from their haze and pulling them apart. She was sure her feet had never touched the ground so quickly in her life as their gazes connected with Doc's wide eyed stare.

A deafening silence had reigned during those seconds, and then Doc shook his head and chuckled, "Well don't stop on my account, I'm leaving."

"What are you thinking about?" Matt asked.

"The first time we got caught," she answered.

He smiled; the memory coming to mind. "That taught you not to make late night visits to the stable."

Kitty gave him a smirk; "I think it taught you a lesson as well."

"I don't know…I think we've been caught a time or two since then; so maybe neither one of us learned anything."

"I just wonder how many times we don't know about."

"I've often wondered that myself," he replied.

Her soft laugh filled the air between them. "We sure aren't the secret we intended on being."

"I know," Matt said; his expression turning serious once more.

Kitty frowned. "Matt, I wish you'd tell me what's on your mind."

"I'm just thinking," he answered; raising her hand to his lips and pressing a kiss against it. "Go on; I'm fine."

Disbelief colored her features as she shook her head at him. "I guess you'll tell me when you're ready."

"Kitty…"

"I'm going," she remarked; rising from the edge of the bed and moving to the door. "I'll try to come back later."

He nodded in acknowledgement and then released a weighted breath once he heard the door of Doc's office open and close. Minutes later, Doc appeared at his side, interrupting his solitude.

"Do you want to tell me what's bothering you?" Doc asked.

Matt sighed; "You too?"

Doc dragged a chair towards the bed and sat down. "I think as your doctor I have reason to ask."

"Or maybe you're just getting nosy in your old age."

The older man chuckled; "Well now that could be; but whichever the case may be, you can still tell me what's on your mind."

The Marshal was quiet for a long minute; debating whether he should ask the question that had been on his mind.

"Doc…is Kitty…," he trailed off; suddenly feeling awkward about the topic he was about to broach.

"Kitty's fine, Matt. A little tired maybe from worrying and keeping watch over you, but she's fine."

He shook his head, "That's not what I meant."

"Then what did you mean?"

"Is Kitty…is it too late for Kitty to have a baby?" he asked hurriedly; his gaze fixed upon some invisible point over Doc's shoulder.

Doc's eyes widened for a moment and then he swiped a finger across his mustache as he pondered the reason for the question. "Do you think she might be pregnant?"

"No…I just want to know if it's too late for her. Have we wasted too much time?"

He shook his head as he thought it over. "I don't see any reason why Kitty couldn't have a baby. She's a little older than most women are when they have their first child, but it isn't uncommon. It might not be as easy for her to conceive as it would've been five or ten years ago though."

"Would it be dangerous for her, Doc?"

"I can't say for certain, Matt. There's a chance that she could have a difficult pregnancy; but with that said, there's a chance for any woman to have a difficult pregnancy regardless of her age. The risk goes up as a woman gets older, but there's just no telling for sure until it happens. Kitty's a strong, healthy woman by all accounts. Things could be hard for her, but on the other hand, there's every possibility that Kitty could have a normal pregnancy and deliver a healthy baby."

Matt mulled that over and then nodded. So it was still possible that they had time.

"May I ask why you have a sudden interest in Kitty's chances of having a baby?"

"It's just something I've been thinking about."

Doc eyed him; "Why now, Matt?"

"Because maybe she needs to have a baby…maybe a child would make it easier on her if I died. She wouldn't be alone that way."

"Is that a good enough reason to bring a child into the world?"

"It is to me," he answered.

"How do you think Kitty would feel about that?"

Matt glanced at him; "It's not like I'd tell her that, Doc. I would love our child and that's all Kitty would need to know. She deserves to have what other women have. She deserves to be a mother."

"What about you? Do you want to be a father? You always said that while you wore that badge, you couldn't afford to have a child. The risk was too great."

"Maybe I've decided that I can't afford not to have one," he answered. "I've denied her a lot of things, Doc; and she made a few good points."

"Good points?"

"I heard the things she was saying, Doc; about how I hadn't spared her any pain, about how danger has found us regardless."

"You heard that did you?" his friend asked.

He nodded; "Maybe she's right…maybe I've been wrong all this time. I thought I was doing the right thing, but now it seems like it wasn't right at all. I denied her…I denied myself. I don't want to waste any more time."

"I tried to tell you about wasting time, years ago," Doc remarked.

"I know you did."

Silence fell between them for a moment and then Doc eyed him once more. "There's just one thing, Matt."

"What's that?"

"Before you go out of here with the intent on bringing a few little Marshals in the world; I think you should marry her first."

Matt looked at him incredulously; "Did I say I wasn't?"

"Well you didn't say you were."

"Of course I'd marry her before we had a baby. I'm just thinking about things, Doc."

Doc was quiet for a moment. "Does that mean you're ready to give up your badge?"

Matt shifted uncomfortably; "I'm not so sure about that…that's why I'm thinking."

"You better think long and hard."

"I am," he replied. He wouldn't make a snap decision regarding his and Kitty's future without a lot of thought and consideration.


	8. Chapter 8

_Author's Note: I apologize for the delay of this chapter; sometimes the words just don't come until they're ready. Thanks for your reviews, as always :)_

_For my friend Cindy, who encouraged me in this endeavor! _

Chapter Eight – Five Weeks Later

Matt walked through the shadowy streets of the town, checking doorknobs and looking for anything or anyone that was out of place. So far he had found nothing. It looked like his town had chosen to rest for the night instead of making trouble…of course maybe he shouldn't ponder that thought too much; it would be just his luck that Dodge would somehow decide to change it's mind about being silent.

He needed a quiet town tonight. He had plans in mind and he had already asked Festus to keep an eye on things…but still, it would be better if things remained quiet and the risk of interruption was low. He had done a lot of thinking over the last few weeks; carefully pondering his beliefs and feelings. He had also spent a good deal of time with Kitty. The things she had said while he was fighting the fever and infection, still rang in his ears…and he was sure that he had now thought out every possible scenario.

He didn't have all the answers, but he figured that some of those answers he sought needed input from Kitty in order to be worked out properly. He had, however, made a decision about the direction of their relationship, and with his rounds nearly finished, it was almost time to tell her what that direction was.

* * *

Kitty released a weary breath as she stretched before sitting down at her dressing table. Business had been good…maybe a little too good, she thought wryly as she picked up her brush and began to pull it through her long red hair as her thoughts once again ran away with her. Matt was healed and had been back on the job for several days now, but still she was worried.

There was still something on his mind; something that he wasn't sharing despite her gentle prodding. It felt like hesitation on his part, and if Matt was hesitating to tell her something, than it couldn't be good. Maybe that was why she wasn't pushing as much as she normally would…maybe she was somewhat afraid to learn what it was…because she had the strong feeling that it had to do with her. Why else wouldn't he tell her?

She felt a small nervous clench in her stomach, what if it was about them? Oh she knew he loved her…but that didn't necessarily mean that all was well. In fact, the more she thought about it, the more she felt like she knew where they were headed. They were probably coming due for that speech about how she should go and find someone who could give her more. Kitty sighed; that talk usually sprung up every few years, after a certain accumulation of petty arguments and injuries had added up. It had been awhile; it was due…and she hated it; hated every single thing about it, from the idea to the actual discussion.

She frowned as she glanced at herself in the mirror. Despite his pensiveness, Matt had been more attentive to her during the last several weeks as he healed, and even now that he was back to work, he was still putting in a little more effort than usual. Oh she supposed maybe it wasn't fair to say that he didn't put much effort into seeing her normally; he came by whenever he could; treated her to dinner when time allowed, and he always found his way to her bed more nights than not…but still…his attentions felt different. It _felt_ like more effort on his part and it made her feel good…despite his distraction at times.

He had taken her on that picnic that he had promised. Kitty smiled; it had been wonderful and peaceful, just the two of them enjoying a lazy day; reconnecting now that the danger had passed and he was well once again. They had gone to dinner several times; they had even gone to lunch once or twice. They had gone riding together early one morning before the town awoke and pulled him away. Once Doc had given him permission to leave his office, he had spent the rest of his recovery in her rooms…and he had been coming home to her every night. It didn't make much sense to give her so much attention and then eventually sit her down to have their little talk, but she knew it was coming. Another frown touched her lips, what was he trying to do, give her a nice send off?

As if he sensed that he was being thought about, Matt let himself into her room and hung his hat on the peg. She smiled as her gaze met his, "You're a little early tonight, Matt."

"Are you complaining?" he asked lightly as he crossed the room to where she was seated.

"Not at all."

"The rounds went quickly; the town's quiet tonight," he offered as an explanation as he squeezed onto the bench seat with her.

"Good. It sure wasn't quiet in here tonight."

His mouth curved into a crooked grin as he caught her eye. "What?" Kitty asked suspiciously.

"How would you like to go for a buggy ride?"

"That sounds nice; but we'll have to go early. I have to meet with the whiskey drummer…"

"I was thinking we could go now," he interrupted.

"Now!" she exclaimed; looking at him as if he was crazy.

"What's wrong with that?"

"I'm ready for bed," she stated; pulling at cotton material of her white nightgown as a gesture to her current state of dress. "And I'm tired. I know I shouldn't complain about the crowd, it was good business; but I was glad to close tonight."

"I'm not asking you to pull the buggy," Matt replied. "I'm just asking you to ride in it."

"Oh, Matt," she chastened as she swatted his shoulder.

"Come on, honey," he chuckled; leaning close and brushing a kiss close to her ear, sending a small shiver through her. "A buggy ride was on your list of things to do."

"I know; and I appreciate that you've been trying to check off all of those things I mentioned."

"Then let's go."

Kitty sighed; "But I'll have to get dressed again."

"I'll help you," he told her.

She regarded him with a raised brow, "You'll help me?"

"Sure."

She laughed, "Cowboy, I think your experience lies more in getting me out of my clothes rather than in to them."

He grinned, "Well tonight I'll help you into them and then when we get back, I'll help you back out of them."

"That's mighty generous of you, Marshal," she quipped.

Matt nodded; "It's my duty to serve the public in any way I can."

"Yes, well, sometimes your 'assistance' leaves me with missing buttons, torn material and on one occasion, a corset whose laces you took a knife to."

"It was an emergency," he remarked; a sly smile sliding across his face.

"Was it?"

"You know it was," Matt stated; using a finger to brush her hair aside so he could place a kiss against her neck. "In fact, I'm pretty sure it was your idea to cut the laces."

"No, I think it was yours…you were too impatient and didn't want to wait and see if I could take care of the problem."

"You seemed a little impatient yourself," he recalled. "I wouldn't have even bothered with it but I was afraid you weren't getting enough air and would faint…and I didn't want to have to explain to Doc how it happened."

Her laugher filled the air between him and kept the smile on his face. "Well you have a point there; I wouldn't have wanted you to have to explain that either."

"Then we can agree that my solution was for the best," he replied.

"I suppose it was…it was worth the loss, that's for sure," she commented before stealing a kiss.

"Are you coming with me for that buggy ride?" Matt asked.

"Matt; as much as I'd love to, all of this talk about corsets only reminds me of how much I don't want to put mine back on."

He didn't doubt that, once it was off, she wanted it to stay off until morning. "So go without it," he told her. "I know you have to have dresses you can wear without one, because I recall a few times when you've been sick or hurt and Doc has told you to go without it for awhile to be sure that you'd be able to breathe properly."

"You're too smart for your own good."

"I could say the same about you."

"You have before."

Matt smiled and brushed a kiss against her lips; "I have the buggy out back…we can go to that little spot where we had our picnic and I'll build you a fire…we can look at the stars. Doesn't that sound nice?"

She nodded; her eyes closing briefly as she thought about the idea of them alone together under the stars. "It sounds lovely."

"Then put on a dress and let's go."

Kitty eyed him, "What's gotten into you tonight?"

"You might find out if you get dressed and get in the buggy," he replied.

"Oh all right," she answered; conceding the battle, but a smile clung to her lips and dampened the exasperation that she was trying to convey.

"I knew you'd see it my way," he said with a laugh.

* * *

Kitty dressed quickly and allowed Matt to lead her through the darkened saloon and out the back door where the horse and buggy awaited them. As he helped her into the buggy, he caught her eye and gave her an amused grin.

"What now?" she asked.

"Nothing; I was just thinking that I hope you don't do to me what you did to poor Jim Rackmill."

Kitty scoffed, "He deserved that slap. Just because I agreed to go for a ride with him didn't mean he had a right to try and kiss me."

Matt chuckled as he settled in beside her and took up the reins. "Why did you go with him anyway?"

"I don't know; I guess it seemed harmless enough starting out."

Truth be told, she had gone mainly because she was bored and somewhat lonely. It had been her night off and Matt had promised to take her to dinner but as always, duty had called and their plans had been put off for another day. Looking back, she figured that small feeling of anger at being pushed aside once again, was probably at play too even though she had been trying very hard to ignore the feeling.

"I still say he ran off to save his own hide when those Indians appeared," she remarked.

"Then why did he come back and try to protect you from me and Chester?"

"Guilt," Kitty replied.

He laughed, "If you felt that way about it, why did you apologize to him for accusing him of leaving you to the Indians?"

"What else could I do when you were standing there defending him?" she asked. "I already felt like a big enough fool as it was for going with him in the first place."

"I was right about one thing though," Matt stated.

"What's that?"

"You didn't learn a thing from it."

"What makes you say that?"

"Well here you are, out for another moonlit buggy ride with a man who might be tempted to kiss you."

"You only 'might' be tempted?" Kitty asked.

"Well I might think twice about it, given your past history of causing accidents when someone attempted to steal a kiss."

"Oh sure," she scoffed.

"Or maybe I'll just wait until we're out of the buggy…and then I'll know there won't be a chance that we'll have to walk back to Dodge."

"Who are you kidding, Matt Dillon? If you're tempted you'll act on it no matter where we are as long as we're alone."

He smiled; "I can't deny that."

Silence fell between them the further they got from Dodge and he grew pensive once again. Kitty made a few attempts at conversation as her stomach knotted once again, but his distraction kept his replies short and simple.

* * *

So much for the lightness that had seemed to settle over their evening when it had begun, Kitty thought to herself as she sat on a log at their picnic spot and watched him start a fire to stave off the slight chill that had been creeping into the night air. She couldn't help but feel nervous as he sat down on the log, a small amount of distance between them.

"Kitty, we need to talk," Matt said as he took her hand.

She sighed softly, "Here it comes," she thought.

"Matt, if this is going to be our usual talk about how I need to go and find someone else to give me a better life; I'd really rather not have the discussion."

"Kitty…"

"No, Matt; I mean it. I know you've had something on your mind, and you've sat me down for this speech enough times for me to know the signs. I'm not going to go looking for someone else, so just forget it. I don't want anyone but you. I love you."

"I know, but…"

"I know it bothers you that I worry so much about you at times, but it's all a part of loving you; trying to pawn me off on someone else isn't going to change that."

"Pawn you off?" he exclaimed. "It's not that at all."

"It doesn't matter what you call it," she replied. "We don't need to have that talk again. The answer is still no, so if that's why you brought me out here, we may as well head back to town."

"It's not that," Matt stated.

"Then what is it?" she demanded to know; feeling slightly on edge as she couldn't figure him out tonight.

An exasperated breath crossed his lips as he held her gaze. "You know, Kitty; you sure do make it hard for a man to propose to you."

Her brow rose, "Propose what?"

"Marriage."

"Marriage?" she repeated; her eyes widening with surprise. She must've heard him wrong. Marriage was the one thing he always said he could never give her. Maybe she was more tired than she had thought…maybe she had dreamed the whole thing and would wake up in her bed any minute.

He nodded as he retook the hand that she had pulled away while informing him of what they didn't need to discuss. "I was hoping to do this right, but it seems like I somehow made a mess of it…of course you haven't been helping matters by jumping to conclusions," he said with a laugh.

Her expression was still wavering somewhere between surprise and disbelief as her heart pounded wildly. She couldn't even speak as she stared at him, a soft smile on his lips, affection shining in his eyes as the light of the fire illuminated him.

He caressed the hand he held and then brought it to his lips and pressed a tender kiss against her skin.

"Kitty, will you marry me?" he asked.

The words she had always longed to hear him say stole her breath and made her eyes fill with tears. A soft, short laugh filled the air between them as a wide smile broke across her face. She shifted towards him, laying her free hand against his cheek as she captured his lips in a passionate kiss.

"Oh, Matt," she whispered once she finally found her voice.

"Will you, Kitty?" he murmured as he brushed feather light kisses along her jaw. "Will you marry me, honey?"

…_To be continued_


	9. Chapter 9

_Authors Notes: Thanks for your reviews!_

Chapter Nine

The moment Kitty had always dreamed of and never thought would come, was here. She wanted to laugh and cry and shout yes. She wanted to drag him off to the first preacher she could find just so she could marry him before he changed his mind… but she held back. She wanted it; wanted it so badly, there was no question about that, but first there were questions that needed asked.

"Kitty?" he prodded; a hint of worry in his tone as he studied the varying degrees of emotion that flicked through her eyes. Had he waited too long?

"Why now, Matt?" she asked; her voice trembling slightly.

Puzzlement furrowed his brow. That wasn't the answer he had been expecting. "What?"

"Why now? Why after all these years…after you always told me no?"

It was a viable question; he couldn't fault her for asking. He just wished she had said yes first. "Because I think it's time," he answered. "I don't want to deny you the things other women have anymore…I don't want to deny us anymore."

"What brought this on?"

"It's not like I've never thought about it before," Matt replied.

"But apparently you still came to the same conclusion those other times…so what's different about this time, Matt?"

He was going to have to tell her, he thought as he caressed her hand. "I heard you, Kitty. I heard all the things you said while I was fighting the fever."

"Oh, Matt," she said; her tone deflating a bit as she tried to pull her hand away, but he wouldn't let go and so she turned her gaze away from him and towards the fire instead.

"What's wrong?"

"Matt, I don't want you to marry me because you feel obligated to."

"It's not like that, Kitty."

"Isn't it? You wouldn't have asked me if you hadn't heard me say those things."

"Maybe that's true but, Kitty, I'm not asking because I feel obligated. I'm asking because you had a point…and when I thought things through, I realized how wrong I had been."

"What point did I make that changed your mind?"

"That I haven't spared you any pain or trouble by not marrying you. Everything you said was true, Kitty."

"It isn't anything I haven't said before," she replied.

"I know, but maybe this time you said it the way I needed to hear it."

She still had a feeling that he was asking because she had made him feel like he had to, and her dream tarnished as her excitement waned. This wasn't how it was supposed to be. She blinked back the sting of tears and swallowed hard as silence fell between them.

Matt lowered his head, he had made a mess of this…a bigger mess than he had previously thought, and he had been afraid all along that this would happen. He had to fix it. He had to somehow prove to her that he had asked because it was what he wanted and not because she had made him feel guilty and obligated.

"Kitty, I love you. I want to marry you…I've wanted to marry you for a long time but I was a fool and convinced that I was doing right by you…but I wasn't. I wasn't doing right by either one of us. You might've made me give more serious thought to things with what you said, but you didn't make me feel obligated. I want this, Kitty. I'm ready for us to have more…that is if you're still willing."

"Matt, you know I want it," she whispered; a tear breaking free as she turned her head to look at him. "I've always wanted it."

"Then say yes," he said as he cupped her face and brushed her tears away with his thumb. "Say you'll marry me, Kitty."

She wanted to so badly…but maybe she should make sure they discussed everything first.

"Shouldn't we talk about it first?"

Hadn't they just done that? Matt wondered as he gazed at her in the glow of the firelight. "What more do we need to talk about? I swear to you that I made the decision for myself You didn't make it for me."

"It's not that," she answered. "What about your badge, Matt? Is this your way of saying you're ready to give it up?"

Matt blew out a breath; he had been dreading that question in some ways. "That's up to you, Kitty."

Her brow rose, "Up to me?"

He nodded; "If you want me to give it up…I will."

She read between the lines. He wasn't ready to take that badge off just yet. "There have been many, many times when I've wished you'd take that badge off and let someone else go out there and chase down every bandit that comes along…but I've never asked you to, Matt; and I never will; just as I hope you'd never ask me to give up the Long Branch before I was ready. So, no, Matt; I don't want you to quit your job. You're obviously not ready to, and if I forced your hand, you'd end up resenting me for it one day."

"But does keeping my badge mean that I can't have more with you?" he asked.

Kitty smiled and allowed her hand to slip back into his. "You've had us both this long; I don't see any reason why you can't have us both for awhile longer."

"You know what it means though as long as I wear this badge, Kitty. It means I can't promise that I'll be around for a long time…I've already made it longer than I thought I would."

"I know that," she answered; "But I like to think that there's some 80 year old retired lawman out there somewhere rocking on his front porch…and maybe you'll follow in his footsteps. Surely some lawmen beat the odds, don't you think?"

"I suppose so," he replied; "But still, I can't make you that kind of promise. I can only promise to try…I promise I'll always try to come home to you."

"That's all I ask. It's all I've ever asked."

He was thoughtful for a moment, his gaze dropping to their joined hands for a moment before returning to her face. "I also can't promise that being my wife won't put you in more danger than you already are with the way things are between us."

Kitty gave a slight shake of her head. "I don't really think a wedding ring will make much difference, Matt. We both know and acknowledge that we're the worst kept secret in Kansas. Everyone knows what we mean to each other…and that's all the wrong type of people need to know…the details aren't important."

"I know…but I'm still going to worry about it. I don't want anything to happen to you because of me."

"I know you don't and I don't want anything to happen to you, but we don't have any control over that…but if it's going to cause you more worry, than maybe you should think about this some more and ask yourself if you really want it."

He had thought about it and when he had thought about it and made his decision, he hadn't envisioned all of this hemming and hawing from Kitty. He was starting to get the feeling that he had done too good of a job at convincing her that marriage was out of the question.

"Kitty, I already worry about you all the time. I'm used to it. I want this," he said firmly.

She was quiet for a moment as a thought entered her mind. "If we were to marry, I suppose we wouldn't necessarily have to tell anyone right away. We could keep it to ourselves for awhile if it would make you feel better."

Matt shook his head. "No; I don't want to hide you anymore. I want to be able to hold your hand in front of people. I want to be able to kiss you goodbye on the street if there's no time to slip away and say goodbye in private. I want you to be able to tell people that I'm yours and that you're mine."

When she smiled and clutched his hand, he knew that he had given the right answer and a measure of relief filled him.

"If you're keeping your job, I imagine you wouldn't be moving us to the middle of nowhere," Kitty stated; "Which I'm grateful for."

He grinned at her; "You mean you don't want to be out in the middle of nowhere, just the two of us?"

She laughed softly; "Cowboy, there are times when I'd love nothing more than to be off somewhere with you, just the two of us and the nearest interruption at least 20 miles away…but eventually I'd want to come home."

"Well don't worry," he chuckled. "I don't intend to take you out in the middle of nowhere. I gave that a lot of thought too."

"Oh? What did you come up with?"

"Well, as you said, I'm keeping my job, so I'd have to stay near town; but I figured it would be best to stay there anyway even if I did give up my badge."

"Why?" Kitty asked.

"Because if trouble came for us, we'd be in a place where people know us and are loyal to us. They'd be willing to help…and I kept thinking about what if I wasn't there with you when something happened, whether it be some everyday occurrence or something from the past catching up with me? I want you to be somewhere where you would be able to get help as quickly as possible. I want to know that Festus, Newly and Doc are nearby to protect you if I can't. Staying in town is best. I already live with you for the most part, Kitty; so I figured for now, we could just stay in your rooms…because I'd never ask you to give up the Long Branch, as you mentioned earlier. We can stay there and work on finding a place when we're ready…or until there's more than just us to consider."

"More than just us?" she questioned; her brow raising as she her heart leapt at what that might mean.

Matt smiled as he held her gaze; his thumb lazily caressing the soft skin of her hand. "I was thinking that maybe we could try to have a baby…that is if you want."

If she wanted? Of course she wanted it, she thought to herself as a wide smile broke across her face. There was a part of her that ached so badly to have his child.

"Oh, Matt…you mean it?" she asked.

He nodded; a smile of his own slipping into place. "I mean it."

Her arms were around him in an instant, her lips capturing his in a passionate kiss that he gladly returned. When the need for air brought an end to their kiss, he gently pulled away from her and looked into her eyes. "Now I have a question for you, Miss Russell."

"What?"

"How many times do I have to ask you to marry me before you give me an answer?"

Kitty laughed; the excitement and anticipation she had felt earlier, returning full force. "Just once more…I promise you'll get an answer this time."

"It better be a good one after making me wait like this," he quipped.

She scoffed; "If you're looking for sympathy when it comes to waiting, you've come to the wrong person, Cowboy."

Matt laughed as he nodded; her meaning coming through loud and clear. He had made her wait far longer than he had ever had to wait for her. "Will you marry me, Kitty?"

Her smile softened; her eyes shining with love and tears. "Yes, Matt. I'll marry you."

He kissed her tenderly and then reached into his pocket and extracted a ring. Its gold band flashed in the firelight and Matt ran his thumb over the sapphire stone it held before he reached for her hand and slipped it onto her finger. "If you don't like this ring, I'll get you something else," he stated as he watched her gaze drop to her hand.

"It's beautiful," she murmured as she admired it.

"It was my mother's," he admitted.

"I'm honored," Kitty whispered as she caressed his face and then kissed him.

Matt glanced at the ring on her finger and then the smile on her face and drew her back to him; an invisible weight falling from his shoulders and the feeling of finally doing right by both of them; filling him and making him feel complete.

* * *

Dawn was only hours away when Matt and Kitty finally arrived back in Dodge. She wouldn't hear of him dropping her off at the Long Branch while he took care of the buggy, and he wasn't going to risk their bubble of happiness by arguing about it with her. As he helped her out of the buggy when they reached the stable, he couldn't resist the urge to tug her into his arms and kiss her.

A cough sounded behind them and they broke apart to see Doc standing there. "You'd think you two would've learned by now not to be carrying on like that at the stable," he stated.

Kitty laughed softly; recalling that long ago night when Doc had caught them that first time.

"Doc, you turn up like a bad penny," Matt stated. "What are you doing here?"

"I just came back from the Miller place. I had to deliver a baby. I'd ask what you're doing but I can see for myself."

Matt looked to Kitty and grinned. "Do you want to tell him or keep it from him?"

"Oh I think I'll tell him."

"Tell me what?"

Kitty smiled brightly; "The Marshal has decided to become a married man, Doc."

The old man's eyes widened; his brow rising in surprise. "Is that true, Matt; or are you just trying to pull my leg."

"It's true," Matt stated. "We're getting married."

"By thunder it's about time," Doc said as he smiled and stepped towards them to shake Matt's hand and hug Kitty.

"Kitty, if I was you, I wouldn't let him have a long engagement," he told her. "He might get cold feet about walking down the aisle."

Kitty shot her fiancé a look; "Oh now that he's asked, he's going down the aisle…even if I have to chase him down it with a shot gun."

"You would," Matt laughed.

"You better believe it, Cowboy. There's no getting out of it now."

He smiled and pulled her back into his arms as he gazed into her eyes. "You don't have to worry, Kitty. Getting out of it is the last thing I want."

_Authors Note: The next chapter will be an epilogue ;)_


	10. Chapter 10

_Authors Note: Thanks for your reviews, as always. You've all been very kind to me with my first endeavor in this fandom and I appreciate that greatly._

Chapter 10- Epilogue 

18 Months Later

Matt Dillon paced at the bottom of Doc's steps, his hat in his hand, and every so often he slapped it against his thigh in frustration. Passersby eyed him warily, sensing that the Marshal was in no mood for conversation. Even a few rough looking cowboys who sized him up, seemed to think better of pushing him, and mounted their horses and went on about their business. He supposed he looked mean and disagreeable…and well, he was feeling somewhat disagreeable and maybe not exactly mean, but certainly a little bit angry.

How dare Doc throw him out the office? That was his wife up there! He had a right to be 'in the way' as Doc had termed it…and yet there he stood at the bottom of the stairs, his eyes boring a hole in that white wooden door. The only reason he hadn't marched back through it was because Doc had suggested that it might be best for Kitty if he just stayed outside. It seemed like he had been waiting forever. Why didn't he come out and tell him something?

His heart twisted with anguish. What if Kitty needed him? What if something had gone wrong? What if…? Among the what ifs were whys. Why hadn't she stayed home like he told her to? He knew that she had been antsy for the last few days but he thought that they had come to an agreement. She was supposed to stay put in their newly built house right outside of town. It wasn't far outside of town; the town was within walking distance and visible from the upstairs windows. She was supposed to stay home and rest.

Matt blew out an exasperated breath as his gaze darted to an unusually silent Festus Haggen who was sitting as still as a statue on the bottom step. His deputy kept shooting him apologetic looks, but he wasn't in the mood to discuss it just yet. His instructions that morning had been simple. He had to ride out of town and serve some papers and look into a complaint. He'd be back that night. Newly was to look after the town and Festus was supposed to go out to the house and keep an eye on Kitty and help her with anything she needed done…and to make sure she stayed put. If anything happened, Festus was to make sure Kitty was comfortably settled and then ride for Doc and then have Newly get word to him somehow. Nowhere in his instructions did it say, hitch up the wagon and take her to town.

He should've known…he just should've known better than to send Festus out there. All Kitty had to do was bat those pretty blue eyes, say please, and promise him a free beer and Festus would do whatever she wanted…and that day, Kitty Dillon wanted to go to town.

Matt didn't think he'd ever forget the way his stomach dropped to his toes when he heard Newly's voice calling out to him over the thundering sound of his horses hooves as they pounded towards him. When the younger man finally reached him, he informed the Marshal that his child was on the verge of being born in the office of the Long Branch.

On the ride back to town, Newly filled him in on the story which was quickly circulating through Dodge. Festus had drove Kitty into town, per her wishes, and escorted her to the saloon, where she was intent on checking on business. The deputy took up residence at the bar with his free beer while Sam brought the ledgers to Kitty who took a table near the bar. Apparently, all was well for awhile, but then Kitty rose from her chair, crying out as she pressed a hand against the swell of her belly, and announced that the baby was coming.

According to the deputy, Mrs. Dillon's announcement sent cowboys scrambling out of the saloon like tumbleweeds in a windstorm. Apparently none of them wanted to see or hear anything that might get them shot by the lady's overly protective husband. Newly had entered the saloon at that point, just in time to see Festus trip over his own feet as he ran for the batwing doors, Doc's name already bellowing from his lips. Sam, figuring the nearest room was best, ushered Kitty into the office and away from the few gawkers who had remained. On her way to the office, Kitty had demanded that Newly find her husband.

Matt's jaw clenched as he recalled how they had encountered Doc, ten miles outside of Dodge, just coming back from a call. The realization that his wife could be giving birth without the presence of Doc, had terrified him; and the fear had turned into anger. He was angry at all of them; Kitty for not staying home, Festus for giving in to her and taking her to town, because he was sure that buggy ride hadn't helped matters; Newly for not staying with her since he had medical experience, Doc for being away; and most of all, with himself for being away when it had happened.

Matt had been doing everything in his power to stay close to home during her pregnancy; especially this last month…but that week he had been antsy himself and he had felt the urge to ride off for awhile, knowing full well that he could've sent Newly off on the task of serving the papers and checking into the complaint…but he had wanted to do it himself; wanted to take Buck and ride off for the day and have some time alone between completing his tasks. As he had burst through the office door of the Long Branch, his temper had been boiling. Doc quickly examined Kitty and determined there was time to get her up to the office and beckoned her husband to carry her there.

In hindsight, he realized that arguing with his wife while she was in labor wasn't the best idea. He hadn't been able to stop himself though as he sat by her side, holding her hand as her body was wracked with contractions. The words, _"If you had stayed home like you were supposed to, our baby wouldn't have almost been born in the saloon," _echoed in his ears.

Of course Kitty's tart response echoed as well. _"Well why shouldn't it be born in the saloon? That's where it got its start, and you didn't seem to mind that!" _And that was when Doc had put him out of the office.

Matt slapped his hat against his thigh once again and paced a few more steps. What the hell had gotten into him anyway? He wasn't proud of the way he had acted; he owed his wife an apology…but he was pretty sure that Kitty had crushed a bone in his left hand during one of her pains. He supposed he deserved it, probably that and then some. At least it wasn't his gun hand. He just wished Doc would come out and tell him something. It had been hours; darkness was setting in. How long did it take?

About that time, the door opened and Doc called out. "Matt, you can come up now."

He took the steps two at a time, and when he stepped into the office, Doc was folding his glasses and tucking them in his pocket as one of the women from town bundled up bed linens and gave him a smile as she left.

"Doc, how is she?" he asked.

The old man smiled. "She's tired, but she's just fine, Matt."

"And the baby?"

"It has all of its fingers and toes and is as healthy as any baby I've ever seen."

"Is it a boy or a girl?" the Marshal questioned.

Doc's eyes twinkled merrily as he swiped a finger across his mustache and then nodded towards the closed door of the back room. "Go ask your wife."

Matt tossed his hat onto the desk and moved towards the door. A smile curved his lips upwards as his eyes landed on Kitty as she rested against the pillows, cuddling the small bundle in her arms.

"Kitty," he said quietly as he closed the door behind him.

She glanced up at him and smiled. "Hey, Cowboy," she said softly; exhaustion present in her voice.

"Are you okay?"

"We're fine," she answered. "Are you going to stand over there all night or are you going to come over here and meet your daughter?"

His smile widened as he forced his feet forward. "A girl, huh. Guess you were right."

"Aren't I always?" she teased. "You're not disappointed that it's not a boy, are you, Matt?"

"God no," he breathed as he cautiously perched at the edge of the bed and took his first look at his daughter.

She looked so very tiny and delicate, he thought to himself; sure that his large hands would swallow her up when held her. She had a headful of copper colored hair, her mother's nose and mouth…and his eyes he realized as those tiny lids opened and revealed eyes the same shade of blue as his.

"She's beautiful," he whispered; in awe as he brushed her soft cheek with his fingertip.

"I think she's perfect," his wife concurred.

Matt captured her lips in a tender kiss. "I love you, Kitty."

"I love you too, Matt…and I'm sorry for not staying home like you asked me to…"

He silenced her with a kiss. "No; I'm sorry. I don't know what got into me. I guess I just…"

She laughed softly; "We'll just chalk it up to being a nervous father-to-be."

Matt smiled and nodded; "I can agree to that."

"I just hope you weren't too hard on Festus."

"I was too mad to be hard on him," he replied; "But I'll buy him a drink and make sure everything is smoothed over anyway. Now what are we going to name this little lady?"

Kitty smiled; "Well, I'm sure you recall our agreement. If I was right, I got to choose her first name."

"I remember," he chuckled; "But I know you've picked out ten already."

"I think I've settled on one," she replied. "Hannah."

"Hannah," he said as he gazed as his child. "I think it suits her; but per our agreement, I get to add to it and make it Hannah Kathleen; because I think she should share her mother's name."

She kissed him and nodded; "I think Hannah Kathleen Dillon suits her just fine," she remarked before kissing her baby's head.

Doc's knock sounded at the door, followed by his head poking in as he opened it a crack. "Everything alright?"

"Everything's fine, Doc," Kitty answered.

"Good," he smiled. "Do I have permission to put Festus out of his misery and give him the news?"

Matt laughed quietly; "Yeah, go ahead."

"And, Doc," Kitty said; stopping him before he closed the door. "After you tell Festus, go down to the Long Branch and tell everyone that drinks are on the house tonight in honor of Hannah Kathleen Dillon."

Doc's smile grew wider, "I'll do that, Kitty; and congratulations to you both. Matt, I assume you'll be staying with them tonight?"

"Doc, you couldn't drag me out of here," he remarked.

"Just making sure; because if I could drag you out of here tonight, you and I would have to have words," he stated before closing the door behind him.

"Do you want to hold her, Matt?" Kitty asked.

He nodded; despite the flutter of nerves he felt as Kitty shifted and laid the tiny bundle in his arms. He gazed down at their baby's face; seeing the reflections of both of them in her features. He couldn't make her a lot of promises…but like her mother, he'd promise her to try…because so far; that was working out pretty well for all of them.


End file.
